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20w heart shot

it’s about time for my eggs to get back in business.

i nursed elijah for full two and a half years. i thought i completely turned into a mother, but i was still a woman after all.

at the beginning of december, i got a severe stomach flu thanks to elijah (he’s full of germs, this child). one bright side of this stomach flu is that it lasts only a couple of days.  but long after i expected to get better, i was still feeling nauseated and had no appetite. my first instinct was “am i pregnant?”, but you don’t want to put your hopes up too high just in case the result is otherwise.

the nausea continued for the next two weeks and i couldn’t eat a thing.  i decided to get a pregnancy test and check. i bought it secretly and i didn’t tell paul that i was checking, in case the result was disappointingly negative.

11 weeks
(11w ultrasound)

a morning of 23rd, i got up early and took the pregnancy test to the bathroom.  the result was ready in one minute, but i couldn’t make myself look for about five minutes.  i must admit that i tried to get a glimpse at it with my peripheral vision.  i was talking myself into believing the worst case scenario so that i wouldn’t feel as disappointed as if i imagined the best.

finally i made up my mind and looked at it.  POSITIVE!

i dashed into our bedroom where paul was still sleeping. i told him that i was pregnant. he gave me the biggest hugs and kisses.   it was the best christmas gift ever.

(20w pregnant)

that was already three months ago. i’m 21w pregnant this week. i started to feel the baby moving early — around 15w. the baby is very active. when we went for an ultrasound at 12w, the baby was rolling around and i couldn’t stop laughing with happiness. as i laughed, it was bouncing around as if my womb was a trampoline. i kept laughing until the radiologist jokingly settled me down.

12 weeks
(12w ultrasound)

at first, i thought about naming this baby, “peko chan” since i was very hungry! (‘peko peko’ is a sound to describe ‘hungry’ in japanese)  “poko chan” was elijah’s nickname when he was in my womb. “peko chan” and “poko chan” would be perfect, i thought. but the name was strongly rejected by elijah saying 『ちがうよ、ママ。ベービーちゃんでしょ!(no, mama. it’s baby-chan!)』

so, i’ve been saying “baby-chan” ever since.

elijah talks to baby-chan every day through my belly button.

『ベービーちゃん、今な〜にしてるの?』(baby-chan, what are you doing?)
『ベービーちゃん、ヨーグルトあげますからね〜』(baby-chan, i’ll give you yogurt.)
『ベービーちゃん、はやくでてきて、おにいちゃんと遊ぼうね〜』(baby-chan, come out soon and play with your brother.)

elijah tells me he’s pregnant too. he gives birth every day. he’s been pregnant with many things — baby, alligator, digger, panda, etc… if i accidentally bump into his belly, he says,『おなか、さわらないでね。ベービーちゃんいるからね。(don’t touch my belly, will you? there is a baby inside.)』

cherry mustache man
(2 and 7 months old cherry mustache man)

my happy second pregnant life continues…

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probably my favorite movie ever is “in the mood for love”, directed by wong kar-wai. it’s subtly overwhelming. the tension, the distance … just so sexy. it’s all about mood: colour, music, clothes, food … ambiance. you can look, you can almost feel it, but you can’t touch…


2046 was publicized as the sequel for in the mood for love. as soon as i heard wong kar-wai was filming, i wanted to see it…

2046 finally came to saskatoon last fall, at the broadway theater. i wanted to go the day it opened. but we waited until cheap night (tuesday). i then discovered there is no cheap night at broadway theater (of course not, it’s broadway…).

the movie was showing at 9pm, and i was planning to get there early, to make sure we got good seats. but we were late, so we showed up right at 9. i was so worried. we bought tickets (hmm, no lineup) and ran inside.


no need to worry. no one there except us! we were at a loss. too many choices — we could sit anywhere. talk about home theater, this was it. just for fun, i sat in the front row left and paul sat in the back row right and we talked diagonally for awhile. then two guys who had been hanging out in the lobby came in. they had popcorn — how can you eat popcorn watching this sort of movie? i love popcorn, but not with a sentimental wong kar-wai movie.

paul and i met in the third row, centre and the movie began.


about this movie, i don’t really remember the story, and it doesn’t make much sense anyway. that’s okay, it’s all about the smoke and the colours and the glorious music.

the story starts after the end of “in the mood for love”. tony leung becomes a sci-fi writer in hong kong and gets involved with many women. none of his affairs last long. there’s also a futuristic story about kimura takuya (kimu-taku!) riding a train with some beautiful robots. everyone’s in love, but nobody can do anything about it.

i don’t care for the time travelling train part, but i love the parts in old hong kong. tony leung is just as sincere as in “in the mood for love”, but now he’s a bit of a gigolo (what a mustache!). all the ladies love him.

many of the shots reflect similar images from “in the mood for love” (lovers in the back seat of a taxi, passing each other on the stairs). all the women have qualities of maggie cheung’s character (image and character), but no one can be maggie cheung. tony’s still in love with her, and he’s trying to find maggie in every woman. he’s always being reminded of some aspect of her, but he can’t find all of her in someone else. so even when he’s sleeping around, his heart is still purely in love with her.


mp3: connie francis – “siboney”
buy: the dvd and the soundtrack

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