pregnant life

i’m starting my 33rd week today, and my belly is very big. my waist is now 94 cm. i have to support my belly with my arm when i get myself up, in order to keep my balance. i can’t button up my spring jackets. with this big belly, i walk like a penguin — not that different from usual, unfortunately. people tell me my belly is going to get even bigger in the next two months, but i think it’s just a rumor. my skin is hitting its limit already.

even though my belly is getting bigger, my weight hasn’t changed over the last month. i gained about 15 pounds (7 kg) during the first 28 weeks, but since then it’s the same. i have a humongous appetite, i’m eating all the time, and i’m eating a lot at every meal. i even eat beef, which i didn’t care for before. in fact, i want to eat burgers all the time…

i feel like i’m getting bigger and bigger, but i was worried that i may not be taking enough nutrients to help poko-chan grow. i got an ultrasound two weeks ago and they estimated poko-chan’s current weight at 4.5 pounds (2 kg) already. this was even bigger than average at 32 weeks. my doctor assured me not to worry, so it’s probably okay.

i think poko-chan has grown even bigger since that ultrasound. poko-chan continues to kick and punch with no mercy. i can clearly see waves and bulges on my belly as s/he moves. i like watching and feeling those movements, even though i get kicked so hard sometimes i can’t sleep.

(paul took these photos)

having this huge appetite reminded me of the opposite problem i had in early pregnancy - morning sickness.

i started getting morning sickness around 7 weeks. at first, i was happy to experience it. since i couldn’t feel any movement of the baby yet, it was the only sign i had that i was pregnant. but it soon turned into a not-so-pleasant experience.

my morning sickness was more like “evening sickness”. i was fine in the morning, but later in the day, i started to feel unwell — no appetite, headache and nausea. i guess my body is still in japan time — it was morning-in-japan sickness in the evening here in canada. anyway, this soon became all-day sickness.

i felt like i was having hungover all the time. food smelled weird. all kinds of food i used to like turned into a nightmare. i couldn’t eat, look at, or think about:

• any vegetables, especially leafy ones and potatoes - tasted strange.
• tomato-related food - i couldn’t understand why tomatoes exist on the planet.
• crackers - some people suggested i eat crackers, but for me, they tasted like sawdust.
• milk products: yogurt, milk, ice cream - usually i love ice cream, but i felt sick when i thought about it.
• meat in general, especially beef. tasted odd, even though now this is my favorite food.

the food i could eat:

• udon, soba or rice
• fruit, especially oranges
• apple sauce
• potato chips (plain, salt flavour)
• sweet potato
• bread (only white part)

it was really hard to go grocery shopping because i couldn’t look at food. so i kept my head straight all the time and when i saw what i wanted in my peripheral vision, i grabbed it.

it was probably not a good time for paul either, because i couldn’t taste the food i was making for him. one time, i was trying to make a pasta dish for supper. i started sauteeing mushrooms and spinach. it didn’t look good, so i added a can of tomatoes. it didn’t look good so i added more herbs and spices. somehow this combination just didn’t work — it was really awful pasta. of course i couldn’t taste it, but paul did. he was very kind to say just, “mmm…. (silent)”. but i could tell it was awful. so i asked him how the taste was. he said with the most agonized face, “not very good…”. i should probably note he was kind enough to eat most of it. we started buying frozen food soon after that.

around my 14th week, i started to feel much better and have more appetite. i broke off my morning sickness period by wanting to eat MEAT. one day in the 14th week, i had a huge craving for beef. so paul and i went to a restaurant and i ordered a hamburger. it was a big hamburger, but i ate it all. people who know me are often surprised to see me eating meat since i’ve never been a big meat eater. but now i love it. i didn’t know cows and pigs are so tasty.

my appetite has just grown and grown now, and so has my belly. now that i see poko-chan getting bigger and moving so wild, i feel much better. s/he makes a big wave on my belly by stretching and pushing. it looks like an effortless belly dance.

i don’t usually like the word “perfect”.  but when it comes to my pregnancy, i’ve never been happier to hear it.

i just started my 28th week and i had my monthly visit with my obstetrician. she always assures me that i’m doing great. my weight gain is ideal and the baby’s growth is on schedule. i tell her my concerns, which are usually nothing to worry about. she always says, “don’t worry. you’re doing great! perfect!” without problematizing my tiny worries. i walk out the door encouraged. i think i’m doing the best i can, but i can’t really see what’s happening in my womb, so i need some reassurance from a professional. when she says “perfect”, i really believe her.

after my visit with the obstetrician, i had a public nurse over to my apartment. she asked about my personal and medical history and about my pregnant life. she was trying to find out what needs i have, so she could connect me with community services applicable to my needs. but i didn’t have anything i needed support with, so we had a nice chat for an hour and a half or so. the best moment was when she asked me if i was happy when i found out about my pregnancy. i guess i expressed maximum happiness with my words and my face. she wrote “extremely happy” on her chart. she said that the criteria of “happy” was not enough to describe how happy i was, so she exceptionally noted it.

the 24th to 27th weeks were a dramatic ride for me. around my 24th week, my belly started to get really big really fast. i could see it getting bigger every day. i felt a little bit overwhelmed. as i looked at my belly, it became obvious there is a life growing inside. it sounds like an absurd realization, but it felt so real. there was no doubt about how happy i was that poko-chan was growing, but it felt like my baby was going forward and my mind was making a late start. i really hoped that i was doing good for this new life. when i got too serious about it, poko-chan rolled around. it felt so ticklish that it made me laugh.

luckily the overwhelmed feeling lasted only a couple days at the beginning of my 24th week. after that, i just stopped worrying about it. i just have to do the best i can.

poko-chan is doing awesome. it’s getting bigger and it’s incredibly active. it not only kicks hard, it vibrates. i’m guessing it’s hiccuping — it’s definitely different from kicking. these days, i can clearly see a bulge whenever poko-chan kicks my belly. if i’m reading a book or holding the newspaper against my belly, it knocks it off by kicking. poko-chan especially likes to start kicking when i’m listening to music or eating. i think that means it’s happy.

so far the rule is, if i like it and poko-chan kicks, then poko-chan likes it. if i don’t like it, and poko-chan kicks, then poko-chan doesn’t like it either. this works really well, because we’re always agreeing with each other. :)

i don’t know what you call these toys for babies in english. they’re called “nigi nigi” in japanese (”nigiru” means “squeeze”). these are toys for babies to squeeze. i found a japanese website that shows how to make handmade toys for babies and children. of course, i couldn’t follow the exact instructions, so their eyes are different and their holes should be smaller. but they turned out pretty good, i think.

as a child, my parents and grandparents bought me many toys. but the toys i remember most are the things my family created. my favorite was a car my brother made out of a cardboard box. we would both get in the car and pretend to drive around inside the house… my brother also made some kind of transformer costumes and we fought in them. he made many things and it was really amusing to watch him destroy things like an alarm clock to examine how it’s made. when he was 12, he actually built a house out of wood. it was a two-story house, with a meeting room, a manga reading room and a kitchen (or just a place to eat snacks). unfortunately he and his friends built the house on someone else’s property, so the house had to be torn down. too bad — it was impressive. i don’t think we have any photos of it either.

my mom and grandma made things for me as well. they made me some cloths for my rika-chan doll (my rika chan was second generation). my friends and i would get together with our own rika-chan dolls and do fashion shows in a portable rika-chan house.

anyway, i hope poko-chan likes these handmade toys too and has fun playing with them. or eating them, at least.

it needed more veins…

i wanted this girl to look stoned, but i’ve never been stoned before so it’s hard for me to imagine the feeling. she ended up just looking sleepy — a feeling i know very well.

i need more practice.

since i got pregnant, i can hear my pulse clearer than ever, and my veins have been growing all over me. i can see my veins running across my skin so clearly, they’re like a tattoo. i don’t have any tattoos on my body, but i’m enjoying looking at my temporary tattoo.

you can view the process of this drawing:

art recipe 1
art recipe 2
art recipe 3

16 x 20″

i knew this stage would come sooner or later. i’m extremely hungry all the time. and when i say “all the time”, i mean it literally. i’ve been waking up at 5:30am (3 hours early for me), because my stomach is growling. i’ve been eating something almost every hour some days. i start planning what to eat next while i’m still eating. it’s that wild.

i feel like i”m eating all the time. in addition to my three meals, i snack a lot. i can’t eat too much at once, because i feel uncomfortably full, so i eat until i’m 80% full then snack on fruit, dried fruit, seaweed, dried fish, onigiri or a small cookie.

i try not to eat too much sugar and junk food. but once awhile i get a huge craving for something sweet, which is very hard to resist. i went to a coffee shop yesterday and my eyes were locked in on the delicious-looking cheesecakes. somehow i managed not to buy any (yet). i did treat myself to a cup of ice cream a few weeks ago, and i think i can live on that memory for another week or so. maybe i’ll have a piece of cheesecake next month — something to look forward to. when i finally eat it, i’ll be in heaven (if there’s such a thing).

it’s been a very cold winter here in saskatoon. it was -36℃ (without wind chill) yesterday. i don’t like the icy cold weather. even though i’ve gotten used to it a bit, every time i go out, i dress super-warm. i wear so many layers that i need an extra five minutes to get ready to go out.

since i got pregnant, i’m taking even longer to get ready while i put on my pregnancy equipment. i call it my “pregnancy armor”. my parents sent me a package from japan which included a haramaki (belly wrap) and a sasae-obi (support belt).

a haramaki is knit tube that you wear around your belly. it’s very important to keep your belly warm during pregnancy. whenever i say this to canadians, they’re always surprised to hear it. but in japan, it’s a very common idea.

the sasae-obi is a belt for protecting my back during pregnancy. it almost looks like a bra for the belly. it’s got a belly-shaped cup and a stretchy belt that wraps around the back. you can find this sort of belt in canada.  adding two layers to my belly really makes it stick out. once i put on the haramaki and the belt and tights and maternity jeans, i look totally pregnant. i think i need some kind of a theme song while i’m dressing up.

i’ve started to experience back pain for the first time in my life, from holding up my big belly. i don’t feel that heavy, but i guess i’m trying to balance my body unconsciously. i tend to sit for a long time when i’m drawing. i try to remember to stand up and walk once a hour, but sometimes i forget. my back aches so bad if i don’t stretch once awhile.

the good thing about this back pain is that i can get paul to massage my back. usually i’m the one who gives him a back massage, because he works for long hours standing up. i never understood what back pain felt like before, but now i know. so i think i can give him a better massage now.

poko-chan is doing well, i think and feel. poko-chan continues to kick hard at night when i go to bed. i guess it’s working on kickboxing technique. i used to get one kick at a time, but now i’m getting multiple kicks in a row. another thing that never occurred to me before i got pregnant is that the baby kicks not only out against the belly but inward and downward. it’s pretty weird feeling, being kicked in the bladder from the inside. another mystery of pregnancy.

i don’t want to criticize poko-chan (new to the world, doesn’t know personal etiquette yet), but please don’t kick my bladder…